I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
