Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
