did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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