I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
