he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
