dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I sprained my soul last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
