Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
