Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
