He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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