The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
