I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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