grandma shit on top of the toilet
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
