WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
