I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just pee around me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
