Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
