Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
