There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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