What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
