oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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