My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
