I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
