I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
