yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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