Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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