went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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