I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
