I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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