Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if only i could text you this smell
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
