My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
