9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
