Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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