You just made me feel so damn special
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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