what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
