he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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