3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Randomize
