and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
