mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
