The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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