fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
