i may or may not be watching the land before time
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
