I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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