i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
