Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
