When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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