A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
