Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
