I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
