I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
home. puking in laundry basket.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My pussy is not your playground.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
