Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think I am morally bankrupt
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
