Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
