i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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