I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
